Yo dont text me then not text me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
