currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No subtext here. People are naked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
