i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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