i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize