All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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