I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
