Got a toothbrush?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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