Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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