it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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