You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
