Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
