Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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