New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I cut my penus on the lid.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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