You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
