so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
