look no pants
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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