1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
