Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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