just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
