Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
