I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
