Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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