God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
