I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
