Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
