he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
