he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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