Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
