There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
