Your mouth is God's brothel.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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