You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
