Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
