??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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