I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nicole vs. Life
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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