P.S. I can't hear my feet
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
