Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
