people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
