god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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