His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
