what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
