Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You took a bar mat shot.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
