I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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