Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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