I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
