just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
