We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
