if only i could text you this smell
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my shit smells like andre
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
