Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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