My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
