I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
