Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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