I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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