Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
