I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
