Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
