woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
