it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
