The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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