wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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