even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
