ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
