He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
