so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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