He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
