It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
