Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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