so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
