what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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