I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize