I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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