I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
